I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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