It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
