God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
