We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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