you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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