tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
