apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
