i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This beer is not sobering me up at all
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
