I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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