I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
