they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
