so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
