very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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