You work out of a Hotel?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
