You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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