have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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