my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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