Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
