Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
