I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
