bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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