I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
