so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
