He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
