I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
