So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
