i barfeds in our rink
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
