FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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