I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
