Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
