I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
