Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
