so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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