in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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