Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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