I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
