well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
