I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The adults are the big ones right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
