i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
