Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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