i permit you to call me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
