yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
