well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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