singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
