You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
