It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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