I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
