Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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