I just made out with a guy for $7.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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