as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
