i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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