i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
