1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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