I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
